dude, it’s been an emotional week:

i feel like a pawn|that’s be chewed on|by a dog|disregarded and kicked| behind the stove|collecting dirt|and food crumbs|i wish it was last summer|when i was practically homeless|and spent half my time|laying in the grass of parks|napping on porches and rooftops|in June, fire escapes feel like a stone massage|real sleep only existed in the mornings|after pushing the limits of my liver|like i, spitefully, was proving a point|sometimes, i think about all the people|i’ve been and i get exhausted|i get sad about chameleon|spirit|mad about realizing how fake a smile is

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room full of noise and rocking limbs. play it right

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#napowrimo and #30daysofcycling: 4/11 - 4/13

yo, i have a life altering deadline. this has been temporarily backburnered. i’ll holler when life calms down a bit.

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#napowrimo: 4/10

[untitled | random couplets]

i fell asleep with the windows open,
hoping the wind would push you in. 

i awoke in the sun’s shine, your shirt
was missing from it’s hook.

later, i found it outside, caught on
the banister of my neighbor’s porch.

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#30daysofcycling: 4/10

rode from parking spot to work. rode from work to car. 

life is giving me fits right now.

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deciding whether or not to play hide and seek with a person in front of other people.

me + you = ?

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#naprowrimo: 4/10

[prompt: include five music titles from a playlist]

It’s 1 a.m. and I’m riding a bicycle,
because you asked to see me.

We’ve got two hearts down for trying,
so while the city is wushing by me
with each clockwise kick of my feet,
revolving chain—

my name is panting in your voice. 
I can feel it warm against the skin
beside my ears, where my neck curves
into shoulders and I pedal faster.

I’ve followed yellow brick roads 
to too many lies and I’ve given up on odds—
on numbers on a board, but I still believe
in midnight phone calls, cycling in the street,
and sex on wrinkled blue sheets,
slightly stained from last time.

———————————song titles used————————-

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Elton John

Two Hearts Down - The Black Lillies

Too Many Lies - The Futures League

Chain My Name - Polica

Numbers on the Board - Pusha T

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#30daysofcycling: 4/10

it hit 73 degrees today and i didn’t ride a bike :/. skipped polo, too. 
what is life?

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#30daysofcycling: 4/9

drove near work. parked. rode over to work. worked. rode to fusian to pick up sushi for lunch. rode back. ate. danced in a music video in city hall; council members and the chief of police danced. worked. rode to car. drove to cappel’s for Styrofoam eggs, which i’ll turn into boobs for nip nip. i also bought chattering teeth. drove to holtman’s. ate three donuts. drove to gas station. bought gas and cleaned out trash in car. filled a two foot tall paper bag with trash contents from my car. took a picture that didn’t do the situation justice. below. drove to grocery store. shopped with roommate. drove home. showered. drove to highland’s for nip nip meeting. long, productive meeting. drove to covington, ky. rode from parking spot to drew’s. bike behind couch. chillin’

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#naprowrimo: 4/9

Erasure Leftovers [Night Sky | Not the End by Carl Dennis]

stay among
the night sky
any spot in the universe, 
With the same stars 
who
makeout
With a sun 
Whose irresistible
And
remind many
That
the naked inspire
Appropriate revelation. 
The cloudless
dust of dreams
quarreling
With
The silences of holding back. 
the
wide view that left
you
wondering 
What could have
been.
now, it
all is
Another story.
————-original poems———————————-
Night Sky

It’s good news for the stay-at-homes like us, 
The new consensus among astronomers 
That the night sky appears roughly the same 
From any spot in the universe, 
With roughly the same number of visible stars 
At similar distances, in similar congregations. 
Those who’ve labeled the view from Earth provincial 
Turn out to be mired in provincial thinking. 
Look at the star map, we’ll tell them. Note 
How the stars have to make do without a capital, 
Without a center where all roads lead, a sun 
Whose pull proves irresistible to the ambitious. 
And if the stars we discern above our roof 
Don’t seem as numerous as we’ve supposed them, 
We’ll remind ourselves of the many more 
That will show themselves when the gauzy curtain 
Is drawn back, the veil of dust and ash that now 
Obscures their shining. Let the day draw near 
When the Milky Way, visible once again 
To the naked eye, inspires a silence 
Appropriate to a revelation. 
Nightfall then will be all that’s longed for. 
The morning and afternoon of a cloudless day 
Will seem to pass so slowly we’ll wonder 
If the stars we think we remember 
Are only fancies, the dust of dreams. 
But no, look up. Here they are again. 
 

Not the End

Don’t let the quarreling near the end 
Convince you the breakup would have been predictable 
From the beginning to somebody more insightful.

Remember that any suggestion back then 
Of the actual outcome would have been swept aside 
By the evidence that the joys you shared 
With your beloved would prove enduring: 
The joy on workdays of cooking supper together, 
The joy on weekends of rambling the woods 
With no agenda.

The silences weren’t a sign of holding back. 
They were calm and easy, your thoughts 
Drifting away on a stream of association 
And then returning with a sprig of woodland flowers. 
Here, this is for you, each said, and meant it.

And remember the climb you loved, to the ridge, 
The wide view of the valley that left you both 
Feeling open to whatever the day might offer.

Don’t diminish those moments now by wondering 
What you could have done to make them last 
Had you been attentive enough to cherish them. 
You were happy back then, remember, 
And knew you were happy.

What you need now isn’t the work 
Of regret but the work of gratitude. 
And all it takes to be grateful is to feel grateful.

Go back to the beginning and embrace its bounty. 
Beneath the story of cause and consequence 
Another story is pointing another way.

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#30daysofcycling: 4/8

beachcruiser in the attic. loop-dee-loops in between bedroom clean up.

This was posted 2 weeks ago. It has 0 notes.

#naprowrimo: 4/8

haikus and stuff regarding hands | for an upcoming collab show

inlets of honey
gooing against the webbing 
between my fingers

lifelines like barren
river beds Ohio knows
as six-landed roadway.

her pale hands printed
with veins: the backside of leaves
stretching to an end (ends)
dollar bills and flicked
pocket change filling the sagged
hangouts for her hands

middle manning most
situations with a limp
wrist, lame duck persona

tag team touch
of index and thumb, pulling
up enough skin to …  

the feel of coarse palms
outlining skin silhouettes
through moonlight licked blinds

sectioning my shape
into pluckable portions—
finger-food for you

index fingers slide
into the the creases of my
hips looking from home

nausea knuckles, bent
and quivering quick through the
thick of an orgasm

instructed by hand,
signaling left and right
turns ooo, into ahh

subpar motor skills
spilling drinks on our city:
concrete sidewalks scratched
with tick-tack-toe boards 
and aeresoled mickey mice,
dripped black.

flat circles or pendulums right and left:
a compass rose come hithering
to the cardinals in the shape of an asterisk

shouting through circled
palms, lips exposing a tongue
flicking its letters
into words and sounds
shushed from nail bit index
pressed against glossed lips

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#napowrimo: 4/7

i didn’t even attempt you.
i apologize.

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#30daysofcycling: 4/7

a few seemingly failed attempts at bunny hopping.

drove.

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some thing is bothering her or she’s completely mellowed out.

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